Note to self: prayer is powerful

I was going through some pictures on my computer and I came across this one. It reminds me of how long I've been best friends with my best friend, Kara. This is her little brother Seth I think he was 5 in the picture and now he's 7 and crushing on girls on TV way older than him. This was when Luke, his little brother wasn't even around. I feel like I'm growing up way too fast. I know it's a little cliche, but it reminds me of how short life really is. And how little time I actually have to make a difference in this crazy massive world. It kind of puts me in my place. Helps me realize how small I really am.

Me and Kara had a life changing discussion in my car this morning after church. lol I cried a lot. I'm so grateful to have a friend like her. After our crazy discussion on a variety of topics I asked her, "Do you think we're the only two people in Kingston that sit in driveways and talk about stuff like this?" She responded with, "Yeah, probably." Indeed, a reassurance to my oddness.
I think I've questioned my affect on this world a lot lately. I was reading an article by Shane Claibourne, a super christian who I feel remote and inferior to(not the title he intended, I'm sure), and it made the point that if America has become so materialistic that the death of an innocent human(the Black Friday fiasco I'm assuming you've heard about) as a direct result of materialism won't make people realise this is a little out of hand, then what will. Again making me feel like I can make no difference at all to these people. So I was thinking this morning and was strayed to a verse which I have no recollection of reaching in thought. It was a bit from James Chapter 5 and it reads,

"...and the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well...the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

I'm considering actually making a new years resolution this year. One to try my best to be righteous so that maybe I can begin to heal the world a bit through prayer. You see, I think we're all sick. Sick of life and theories. Sick of explanation and political correctness. Sick of lack of unity and loneliness. And I want everyone to be better again. Cause I and many other Christians(I believe) are sick as well. Sick of everyone being sick. And if unceasing faithful prayer has power. I will take what I can get and pray a persistent prayer that I know God will respond to. A prayer of care for the people I love and those I will learn to love. A great healing prayer.

Anyway this reminder gave me a lot of hope. Hope that a merciful God will hear the prayer of a mere child.

it's way past my bedtime though. So there's some thought.

Note to self: what he says doesn't matter

If I could have any superpower in the world it would be having the ability to ignore what my dad says to me. I really can't wait for the day when I can leave this place. I love Kingston it's my home, but I really don't belong here. Every day I am alive I realize more and more that I don't belong here. Not just Kingston but on this Earth at all. There's too much crap here. Too much stupid crap. I'm just searching for a ray of hope while I'm stuck here.

I decided that I'm done making excuses. It's starting to annoy me. Laziness is pointless. Think about it what good is it going to do you if you lay around instead of doing the things that you need to do? none, perhaps it even makes matters worse. This is why I want to rid this lazy factor from my life. Nevertheless, it's still a work in progress.




Welp I'm done here. I'll end with a verse

PSALM 3:5

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.

Note to self: Don't cry

So yesterday was my last day of school. We had our nine week's test in Pre-Calculus or as Mr. Bowman likes to call it, our "cumulative exam." Mr. Bowman is an interesting teacher, to put it nicely. I respect the man very much and he's probably one of the best math teachers that I've ever had, but he's cold and mean as all get out and he's super intimidating(although I think that's what he wants us to think). He has a very dry sense of humor and emphasizes how much he doesn't care about his students. Anyways the nine weeks test was pretty long and we had a sheet with the questions and another to bubble in the answers. Well I decided to not bubble in any of my answers until I was done answering all of the questions... bad decision. The bell rang before I even finished the test and I had to run because Kara had to go get her brother from the elementary school and she was my ride. So I figured Bowman would let me come in in the morning and finish the test, oh was I ever wrong. He has really scary cold eyes might I add... he shot this look at me so filled with anger that I couldn't help but burst out in tears when he said no. I threw the test down on his desk and started to get my things while tears were just pouring from my eyes. He asked me why I wouldn't just fill in the bubbles and I said that I didn't have enough time cause I had already take a bunch of time getting him to sign my exemption sheet. Anyways he eventually broke and told me to come in at 8am and I would have 15 minutes to finish it. And I know everything was okay after that, but that didn't change the way I felt just then. They guy treated me like I committed a freaking murder or something. Now he is an excellent teacher, but he never cuts his students any slack. Anyways I just cried until we got close to the elementary school. It seemed a lot more tragic at the time...

The next morning I came in and he told me if I cried on him like that again he would just get colder and harder on me. I don't know how much colder he could've gotten. But he told me never to cry to him again. And I was just quiet. I think I'm going to end up acting like a scared dog in his class after that incident.

It was just weird cause I think the last time I cried was weeks ago. I think it's a healthy thing to cry though. but then I cried again today which was also weird. It's like I'm going on a crying spree.

I cried cause I was listening to the song "Somebody's baby" by Jon Foreman (a beautiful song) and reading the lyrics. The song was just so sad. Here are the lyrics and the music just total's the effect, if it really interest's you you can search Jon Foreman on google and listen to it on his website, great song. Anyway, here they are.

She yells,

"If you're homeless sure as hell you'd be drunk

Or high or trying to get there or begging for junk

When people don't want you they just throw you money for beer"

Her name is November she went by Autumn or Fall

It was seven long years since the Autumn

When all of her nightmares grew fingers

And all of her dreams grew a tear



She's somebody's baby

Somebody's baby girl

She's somebody's baby

Somebody's baby girl

And She's somebody's baby still



She screams,

"Well if you've never gone it alone

Well then go ahead, you better throw the first stone

You got one lonely stoner waiting to bring to her knees"

She dreams about Heaven, remembering Hell

As a nightmare she visits and knows all to well

Every now and again, when she's sober she brushes her teeth



She's somebody's baby

Somebody's baby girl

She's somebody's baby

Somebody's baby girl

And She's somebody's baby still



Today was her birthday, strangely enough

When the cops found her body at the foot of the bluff

The anonymous caller this morning tipped off the police

They got her ID from the dental remains

The same fillings intact, the same nicotine stains

The birth and the death were both over

With no one to grieve



She's somebody's baby

Somebody's baby girl

She's somebody's baby

Somebody's baby girl

And She's somebody's baby still

So yeah It's pretty sad and it makes me think, where was everyone. You know, all of God's people. I just don't understand how this can happen when there are so many people filled with the overflowing love of the Lord.

After all the greatest commandment is "Love the Lord your God with ALL YOUR HEART, ALL YOUR SOUL, and ALL YOUR STRENGTH." sounds like a lot of love to me.

I guess this little cry session reminded me of this and I thought I share the love. lol

Goodnight.