So I'm back from the mission trip. Things have been insane lately. It makes me just want to leave again. What I would love is to go back to Wamblee. I just want to hang out with those kids all day. I'm beginning to love kids more and more as I work with them. It reminds me of the beauty of a blank piece of paper. There are SO many possibilities and great beautiful things can become of them.


Anyway, I went to South Dakota thinking I knew what to expect. What I thought I was going to see, I did see, but there's something about actually seeing it for yourself that makes it so real. I can see it in something other than a picture. I saw their neighborhood and my heart just broke. I wanted to go in and take them all back home with me and take care of them. But I knew I couldn't. I knew all I could do was support these kids and encourage them. Give them truth. And maybe someday, if we keep this up, they'll help to better their own community. So on the way back to camp I cried. I cried because I wanted to pull these kids out of their horrible living situations and bring them home with me. I knew that I couldn't though, for many reasons. I can't just make everything better, but I could help.

If there is anything I learned that week it was that you can't force love on someone. Now, I loved all of these kids and I've been missing them like crazy since we left, but most of them can't understand that, so we have to slowly show them how much they are loved by us through and because of God. This is something that they can't really grasp when they're so young and when most of them don't even know what love is or even what God is. I'm convinced that just going back over and over again is the best way to help them at least begin to understand some of those things and encourage them to read into it more and really try to understand.

While I was a Wamblee I met some really great kids. First and foremost, Sequoia, not because she was my favorite, or because I think she's better than any of the other kids, because those things aren't true. I just got pretty attached to her. She was a sweet little girl. She had a good heart, too. Which was cool to see in a kid so young. Anyways she liked to wear make up :p The last day I got to see her she was wearing purple eyeshadow. She has 10 siblings and seemed to have a good family for the most part. She told me how much she didn't like living in Wamblee. She talked about Rapid City like it was some great city far far away that she would dream about and loved to go there, but I think she just saw it as a better place than Wamblee. It would be a cool way to help her understand Heaven. Heaven, like Rapid City... a better place. :p But yeah she was special to me. I wrote her a letter the other day with a picture in it. I can only hope that it was the right address and that it's is going to get to her and she'll write back soon.

Then there is Karly. At first she come off as kind of snobby and stubborn. A real "give me this give me that" type of girl. But as the week went on and I grew closer to her and all the other kids, I realized that she's grown up in an environment where there wasn't much to be had and no one really had much. She was stubborn because you can't really trust anyone there. People beat up people left and right. People get raped and mugged. Their houses get robbed and vandalized. Usually family is the only people you can trust, but most of the family structures are really messed up. Anyways, Karly just takes a while to warm up to you, but it's worth it in the end. She's a very loving kid, and to share love with her and be loved by her is so special.

Then there's Kendra. Kendra is very cheerful. I'm pretty sure she was the happiest kid I met. She loved to have fun and she loved to mess around with people. She was really cute though and could get away with anything. She was the one who painted my entire face blue. There's a very memorable picture of her smiling face in my memory. She was really awesome.

Then there's Penelope. I didn't get to talk to her much because she was very shy at first as were her sisters Ambreya and Stormy. However when I did talk to her she was very sweet and innocent. She was quite the cool kid. When she wrote her name, she wrote every letter backwards... which is just awesome. Then of course there's Alicia, Jakayla, Emily, Amber, Serina, Winter, Sun Dance, Chaylyn, Cheyanne, Ben, Moto, Spring, Angel, Autumn, and many more kids that I didn't get to know as well as I wished, but am looking forward to seeing them hopefully this Winter or next Summer.

Anyway the trip really put the spring back in my step and helped me get up on my feet again. Since the trip, all I've wanted is to go back. I miss those kids so much it's been all I can think about.

But I will end my blog now.

Everyone have a fantastic fourth of July.

Oh, we're sinking like stones.

So I'm leaving on Friday! 2 more days! ahh!


Today I walked into the guard room to two of my coworkers talking about how they hate it when people push their religion on you. I didn't make any comments, simply because I agree as well. Of course, they were probably talking about Christians, most people around here really aren't around much other religions. But that's where I agree with them. If someone came up to me and forcefully tried to tell me what they knew was "true", I would probably react in the same way. I mean most people have a place where they stand when it comes to what they believe and practice.

I'm proud of myself though, because all of my coworkers know that I'm a Christian, and it's not because I shun them everyday for not being Christians. I don't even know where a lot of them stand on their beliefs. Anyways They all know that I'm a Christian because of the way I live. Which is really cool, to me. I've paid attention to where these people stand when it comes to beliefs and such and one thing I've noticed is that they don't like "Bible beaters". So I've been extremely cautious as to what I say to them about God and things like that. I've been trying to treat it very much like a race. Like my skin is just a different color than theirs. I respect that they're different than me and don't try to change them every chance I get. They know I want them to be Christians, like me. I think most of them believe in a God, probably the same as mine, they just hate all the other things, like people's knowledge. Dennis preached a sermon a while back saying that most young adults believe Christians are just anti homosexual, judgmental, and are only concerned with converting people.

That's not what we're supposed to be though. We're supposed to be real people looking to strengthen real relationships with God and others. So my thoughts are that I should just keep doing what I'm doing. I'm def. not pushing my religion on them, but they know where I stand and that I respect where they stand as well. I'm just afraid of where my place is with some things. I mean is it my place to even ask them what they believe? And I'm afraid of my response. What if they say I am a Christian, too? Is it my place after that to hold them accountable for things? What if they say, I believe in you God, I just don't practice Christianity? Is it my place to ask them Why not?

I just have to pray about it. I truly believe that God will give me a great opportunity to do what I'm supposed to do, but I just don't know if I'll recognize it or not...

Oh, all that I know, There's nothing here to run from, And there, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.
-Don't Panic- Coldplay

a perfect, peaceful sleep.

So I've decided that my dad will never get off my back for anything. He will always make things as complicated as he can to make me wrong because I'm a child and he obviously knows more than me.


Anyways, on a less depressing note. I've developed a love. :] I've started loving to swim. Ever since I've started lifeguarding, I've slowly began to be more and more interested in swimming. So I've began to swim as much as I can and I love it. I went to the gym tonight and I ran. I've noticed that music, when it's all I hear, is a motivation. Soon my pace becomes the same as the rhythm of the song. It's pretty cool. Cause my more faster upbeat stuff is so much more fun to listen to! Sometimes I get so caught up that I just want to start dancing around the gym. But everyone there probably thinks I'm weird and that probably wouldn't do much for my reputation. :]

Anyways I think I'm going to get a gym membership when I get a car and go to the gym a few times during the week. I really love it. Mostly cause the gym has a pool. But yeah. :] I'll get Kara to come with me.

So I've decided to be more open about things. Try new things. I guess. lol Okay so maybe it wasn't a decision, but more like wishful thinking. :p I do that a lot though.

Anyways, a good week to you all. Goodnight. :]

So it's been a little while...

The days are counting down until the Lakota trip. My first mission trip ever. I'm leaving in 4 days. I'm so excited. :D :D

Anyways Today was father's day. Another painful holiday. I tried not to think about it. I felt bad though. I was going to call my dad and wish him a happy father's day, but I was hesitant cause he might have guilted me into coming home. I don't like to go home. :\ But yeah and what a father's day it was. I sat in the Gunter's living room while they all sang Happy father's day to the happy birthday song tune to Billy. I put in my two cents. :] That was my highlight of the day. :p

anyways. So blogging has lost some favor with me. People read my blog a little more than they used to so it's good and bad. I have tot be careful with what I say, but I can also get more opinions and feedback while I'm trying to form my own opinions.

Journaling is much easier, but you don't get feedback, which I value very much.


So I've experienced having a real job for a while now and I must say, it's nice, for a job. I've come to know my coworkers each of them on a bit of a personal level as well as having a good time with them, give or take a few. I'm probably thought of as the Christian girl amongst them. They use it against me sometimes too. And I'm not so sure it's a good thing to them. As soon as they learned my religious status, they categorized me. it's hard to get people to respect who you really are whenever they already think they know you.

It takes a little shake up from the rift
It takes a bit of wind to get you to lift
It takes sandstorms and signs from God
It takes a piece of grass floating on a breeze
It takes a plastic bag stuck up in a tree
It takes cold fronts and sackcloth skies
It takes leviathans down in the abyss
The hidden messages of the things that you missed
It takes mouthfuls of Niagara Falls

I hope everyone has a fabulous week. I know I will :]

I've been thinking about rights a lot lately. I am a human child. In my opinion every human child should have the right to safety and basic necessities...um education and things of that sort. Adults is a different story. They have to provide for themselves and their families unless they're not able for some reason that they can't do anything about, like health.

However I'm still trying to figure out what rights people have no matter who they are and what people deserve good and bad. I mean here's an example of what goes through my head... So let's try to find a basic right that everyone has, no strings attached. I'm sure every human has the right to life... but what if they've killed someone, do things change then? So if I can't even find out one basic right of everyone...this whole figuring out what people have a right to is going to be harder than I thought.

But there's a difference between what people have a right to and what they deserve. For instance, does every human have the right to a nice warm bed and 3 meals a day even if they're a bad person? God gives everyone their rights indirectly...but then it gets complicated when one infringes on another's rights. Because people can't always catch that...

I've just been thinking since I saw the Invisible Children video again, why are these people in Africa starving and suffering yet here in America we(and I say we because I'm included and I'm not preaching just being curious) act like we have some right to be comfortable and entertained all the time like we're some type of kings, when really, we're all sinners. So we're all sinners (starving or luxuriated) and the punishment of sin is death. Then we all deserve death technically but Christ came and died for us so that we can be saved...so I'm back to square one, what are our rights or do we even have any. Cause if we don't, then people talk about them an awful lot and people have some pretty wrong mindsets. But if we do and we have the right to be saved, first of all why? and second of all if we accept Christ do we then deserve to be saved? Or is it just something we receive? the Bible says "the gift of salvation" so if that's how it works we must not have any rights and everything we receive is a gift, that is something given to us that we really have no obligation to have. and if that's the case shouldn't we have a different perspective on things?

Most of this comes to mind because I have a hard time telling myself that I deserve things or even more, saying it out loud. But yeah, I'd like some opinions while I'm trying to form my own. :]


Everyone have a good week.

When you wake up it will be the beginning of the world and in the fields of this day, hear a song, hear a song.

680 days.
Not much huh?
Just a few more years.
I just want to be free.

Free from punishment for dumb things.
Free from guilt.
Free from this crap hole.
I just don't like it here much.

It's okay though. I think I can deal with it for a little while longer.

So I'm ready to have a car and a job.

I was dreading this summer cause I knew I'd just be working all the time, but I think I'm going to enjoy it. :]

Having money is a nice thing as well. Not that I'm going to have much, but I have to start somewhere, right?

Things are going good for me right now. I'm eager for things to come. and I'm looking at things in a positive light.

I can't wait to go see my mom. It won't be much longer, and I'll probably get to see my grandma as well. I really miss life back in Pennsylvania when we would just laugh and play all day. We would go visit my grandparents and my pappy would always spoil us with bags of candy. Everything seemed so simple. I remember it like it was an old film playing back. And although I don't remember many things I do remember being happy. I remember swinging on the swings across the road from our house and when my dad would tell us that he was going to push us all the way around the bar and we would get so scared. I remember the five trees my dad planted out in the front yard for shade. I remember sitting in my living room on a Saturday afternoon watching the cat lie in the sun. I remember playing kickball behind the trailers. Yeah I lived in a trailer park, but I was happier than any kid I could remember. I remember the field close to our house, where we found our cat. I remember a single tree in the middle of that field. I remember how pretty it was everywhere. I also remember leaving that place in a big moving truck. I want to go visit so badly. :]

Anyways.
I hope everyone has a fantastic rest of the week. :]

Meow.

I've been praying for God to show me why one of my friends rejects religion.

And coincidentally he did. :]

I think people, me included, need to ask themselves why instead of judging people.

Anyways it was weird cause I've been trying to think of a way to bring up the subject but and couldn't really do it without it being really weird and awkward. But there was no need for me to worry about it, I should have had more faith. But anyways, the subject just kind of came up, and I wasn't even the one to bring it up. It was pretty awesome how God just made that happen.

Anyways, I found out that she's an even cooler person than I thought she was. She's way deeper that she makes herself out to be. It was cool how she put it. She said, "I have this image, but it's not fake. It's not like I'm one person but completely different when you get to know me. It's like I'm one person but not all of that person."

God works in amazing ways. and it's not like I saved her or anything. I just came to understand her so much better and it was pretty awesome.

Now I know how she feels about things. She even said she admires me and what I stand for and what I do, which I think is a really cool thing. She explained a lot that night and now it all makes sense. I think all I can do is keep trying to influence her.

I got to meet more of her family and just really get to know her better. Her grandparents are hilarious! Mine are pretty bitter and I thought it was just so cool. Her sense of humor def. comes from her Grandma.

Her little sister is adorable. She believes in fairies. :]

Anyways it's always good when you know reasons for actions.

It just makes more sense.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.