Note to self: Having a border collie is like having a child.

I love my dog. I love her so much. I find myself saying to her, "What would daddy and I do without you." Then I answer that question with, "Not have to get up at all hours of the night to take you out to the bathroom, or come home to the smell of poo, or schedule our whole day around your exercise, even though when we take her to the park she just sits down out of exhaustion." But I really do love her.

She brightens my day.

Today I took her out and was sitting on the front porch. I noticed that it was raining a bit, but she didn't until she went off the porch only to look at me with a squinty face that said "Mommy, what is hitting me in the face?" She hopped back up on the porch and sat. She and I both noticed a man in a big tractor sitting across the road in an empty lot. I supposed the man had stopped mowing because of the rain and was waiting til it passed or something. But Storm seemed to think he was up to no good. So she went out into the yard and sat and stared at him until he eventually left. I kept laughing the whole time because I supposed the man was pretty uncomfortable because he felt like someone was staring at him.

This brightened my day and so does something else silly that she does everyday.

In many moments I feel like I didn't really want a dog. Like those days where I just feel like sleeping in and Storms bowels decide to act up. Or those days when I just want to relax and Storm just cries all day because she wants attention. These days make me rethink if I really want to have kids someday. Because I know the challenge would be much more severe. I've watched several friends with babies and young children become frazzled mom's with a long "To Do" list.

But I think it's moments like today that make life so special. You can't ever have good memories if you disclude people from your life because of selfish reasons. You also can't influence anybody.

I think about my life in the long term and I say having kids would mean I would have to spend lots of money on them and practically have no savings and work all the time. It could possibly effect my marriage and my own sanity. But I will smile because the people around me make my life better. I will love them and they me. My kids would grow up playing with my friends kids and calling our friends aunt and uncle. And we will all have wonderful memories. I would get to experience the joy of teaching them and growing them up in the Lord.

If I didn't have children I would probably have significantly more money. I might not even have to have a job. I would spend significantly more time on myself and my marriage. And would probably grow away from my friends because most of them would have kids and spend more time with other friends who had kids. I would not have to worry about my sanity and I could sleep in everyday and spend my afternoons reading books and drinking coffee. But I wouldn't know how to be selfless. And I wouldn't know how to prioritize. I would have a siginificantly smaller impact on the world, but I would feel relaxed.

Honestly, I don't know what the right choice is. I feel like having kinds would take away from my time with God, but I haven't been doing real great with that anyway. I feel like having kids would make me learn many things about God and being a better Christ follower. But I might also become really busy and lose any glimmer of a great relationship with my Father in heaven.

So here I am just wondering, what are your thoughts?