I miss my mom.

Well the visit with my mom last week was good, considering Hailey's visit a night prior to that. Hailey went to see my mom the night before the Anniversary party. Well, my mom was drunk supposedly and Hailey tried to talk to her some and then went to my Grandmother's house across the yard. Well my mom followed her. My Grandma (I call her Grandma Rose because her name is Rosanne) open the door to see my sister and mother standing there and she slammed the door. Apparent ally her and my mom aren't talking due to my mom breaking into her house and stealing some pictures of my Grandmother's. So Hailey took my mom back to her trailer and again went to see my Grandma Rose. When my grandma opened the door her nose was bleeding. My sister said that my grandma was sick from stress caused by my mom. There were multiple rumors of the cops coming and my Pappy John putting her in jail and my Grandma Rose being in the hospital and such. So we went to see my mom the two days later expecting for no one to be there of for everyone to be miserable. So we pulled into the sloping driveway which always scratched the bottom of our car. As we walked to the trailer I had flashbacks of being at that place as a child mostly seeing pictures of me there in my head. I remember seeing my "Old Pappy" as we used to call him (who I don't think we were ever related to) on his rocking love seat with his cat named Mr. Bubbles sitting under his swing all fat and gray. She never really seemed to like us. Instead I saw the porch with nobody there except a cat. Not Mr. Bubbles just some cat that ran off as we approached. My mom opened the door and smiled. I smiled too. We hugged and she hugged dad and Kayla and we all went in. Then mom tried to give us a bunch of tings like her old clothes and some home videos of us as children and some pictures I hadn't seen before. I saw one of my parents a long tine ago. My dad was clean cut a very slim but I don't quite recall what my mother looked like. Anyways they were kissing in the picture and I wanted to keep it but I didn't because I didn't think my dad ever wanted to see it again. My mom had made some Kool-aid for us. Kool-aid was a big thing for my family when we were still together. It was tropical punch. My mom told us that she was being evicted. My Pappy John told her she had 30 days to get out because my Grandma Rose couldn't handle the stress she brought to her. This made me worry but since I didn't want to ruin our visit which was pleasant thus far, I didn't bother to ask her what she was going to do.

We then headed over to my Grandma Rose's house. I saw the steps that we used to eat Popsicles on as kids. My Grandma wouldn't allow us to eat Popsicles inside. I remember the front porch with a swing and fake grass looking carpet thingy. A bunch of matching chairs and couches with matching flowery plastic feeling cushions. My pappy playing his guitar. Instead it was bear. We Knocked on the door. My Grandma Rose answered. So looked so sickly and frail. It seemed as if you could almost see right through her skin. I wanted to run up to her and give her a big hug. But instead I gave her a small slow hug for fear of hurting her. We talked to her about my cousin, Justin, who is fighting in the war in Iraq. We talked about weather and she gave us some boiled peanuts and some drinks. She said she wished she would have had a cake or pie ready for us. My Grandma Rose made the most delicious food I'd ever tasted. I miss her cooking so much. My Pappy John wasn't there. I wish he was though. I miss him. After my visit with my Grandma, we said our last goodbyes to my mom and went on our way. I don't think any of what happened sunk in until the other night.

I had a dream that I was having a wonderful lunch with my mom. She made a cake and all was well until my Grandparents sent someone over to take her away. I woke up suddenly. The clock said it was two something. I went out on the balcony and cried my eyes out. I came in to get my purse so that I could look at the picture of my family that I keep in my wallet. I cried for about an hour and wondered if my mom could hear me. I prayed to God that my mom would be okay and that she would stay alive until I could take her in my own house and take care of her and help her. I've never been upset about my mom like this before I've never dreamed of her before. For me it was always a hard truth that I blocked out of my head. But that night I couldn't barricade it anymore. I miss being a child when everything was simple.

So I'm up here in the beautiful state of Pennsylvania

Man did I miss this place. We woke up around 5 and packed up. We left around 6:15. My dad decided to take an alternate route this time because my Pappy said that there was a lot of construction. We were on interstate for the first 2 hours or so. Then we went through a cute little town called Staunton. Then it was nothing but small towns and super curvy roads for a long while. Everyone was road sick and had to go to the bathroom. But the overlook from the top of the mountain was a pay off. We finally got here and the campground is gorgeous and enormus. Our cabin smelled of cleaning chemicals and it had a large bunk bed, a little kitchen area and a picnic table. Outside there was a nice little patio with a wooden bench. To the right was a fire place and to the left a grill and a picnic table. My aunt LuAnn, Uncle Ron, cousins Jacob and Brandy. Brandy had her three kids, Cameron(12), Jordan(10), and Hayden(6). I haven't seen them in forever, so it was nice. We were going to go swiming but the pool closed at 7 and it was already 6:55. Needless to say we didn't go swimming. We went to the playground instead. We spun around on the merry-go-round. Then played "got it dropped it" which the neighbor kids made up when I was a small child. Then we ran around a bit. We then met these two kids. Their names were Shane and Madison their dad's are in a band together and they're staying until Sunday. We played volleyball with them. Cameron, Joradn, and Hayden left with Brandy to go get ice cream. They'll be back tomorrow though. Right now me and Jake are playing on his Wii. So until tommorow, goodnight!

Saying goodbye to my dearest Ruby :[

So the day that I have been dreading since Christmas has come. The dreaded day when my Ipod ran out of space. Thursday I think was when it happened. I had 989 songs and it didn't have any more space. Now I have 4 Cd's that I want to put on my Ipod but can't. So my beat up red Ruby is finally finished. I'm not sure what I'll do with it. I was thinking about sending it to apple for "repairs" in the hope of getting a new one without the engravings on it so I could sell it on Ebay. But if I just got the same Ipod back I thought I would see if I could get the engravings buffed out. If not I'd just sell it anyway. But now I think I might just put it in a keepsake box. I mean I loved that Ipod. I don't want to bother trying to get some money out of it. Anyways I've decided that during the month of July I'm going to save up and work for a new 30GB one. I want to get a white one. I'm going to make a cover/case thing for it while I'm in Pennsylvania this weekend. I went shopping with Kara, Brit, Michelle and her mom today. I went with $60 came back with -$10. I owe Kara $10 because I couldn't decide weather I wanted flip flops or a purse. ha ha. I need to work on controlling my money. :p
Anyway despite me not liking the design of the Ipod as much as the Ipod Nano, I think I'll be very happy with it when I get it. :]
Good day you all!

Rain

I was sitting in my dad's car on the way back from Kara's one night and my dad was talking to my older sister on the phone. It began to pour down rain. My dad needed gas so we stopped at a gas station. As we pulled under the roof of the gas pumps, a feeling of relief and protection washed over me. The sound of the rain stopped and even though I could see it I knew that I was, well, "protected" from it(even though rain can't do much to hurt you unless it's acidic or something). I found it so relaxing and even though it only lasted for a few minutes, as I was sitting listening to The Decemberists "Red Right Ankle" it was some of the most relaxing moments of my life. Maybe it's because rain's so hectic. Almost because people don't want to get certain things wet so they're always rushing under the nearest roof or to get home, or they don't want to be cold, or for the fear of water or drowning, the noise of it, whatever it may be, it just seems like everyone takes it as a pain in the butt which I guess it could be but I think that if you don't freak out about rain and rush to be someplace dry, when you do finally get to that "someplace dry" it the most wonderful feeling. Maybe it was just because I was in a car by myself while my dad was pumping gas, maybe it was the music, maybe it was even the smell of gas but for those brief moments, I could breathe in completely careless breath. I didn't have a worry in the world and I was well I could use a million words to describe it. My point is this, even in the most hectic of situations, you can relax most peacefully. That's probably incorrect in some way someone might try to argue with me or something but I don't care. This is me, trying to put you in this moment so you might understand. You probably still don't. This was just some I was intrigued by. I mean you might not agree but rain is such a wonderful thing. It washes everything away (not literally) away and makes it smell nice. I just like rain, but despite how much I love it, when I'm sheltered from it I feel better than ever. Anyways, I hope you can rest assured tonight, knowing the Teen Titans have your back. I know I will. I love that show :p Season 3 here I come. :D