I miss my mom.

Well the visit with my mom last week was good, considering Hailey's visit a night prior to that. Hailey went to see my mom the night before the Anniversary party. Well, my mom was drunk supposedly and Hailey tried to talk to her some and then went to my Grandmother's house across the yard. Well my mom followed her. My Grandma (I call her Grandma Rose because her name is Rosanne) open the door to see my sister and mother standing there and she slammed the door. Apparent ally her and my mom aren't talking due to my mom breaking into her house and stealing some pictures of my Grandmother's. So Hailey took my mom back to her trailer and again went to see my Grandma Rose. When my grandma opened the door her nose was bleeding. My sister said that my grandma was sick from stress caused by my mom. There were multiple rumors of the cops coming and my Pappy John putting her in jail and my Grandma Rose being in the hospital and such. So we went to see my mom the two days later expecting for no one to be there of for everyone to be miserable. So we pulled into the sloping driveway which always scratched the bottom of our car. As we walked to the trailer I had flashbacks of being at that place as a child mostly seeing pictures of me there in my head. I remember seeing my "Old Pappy" as we used to call him (who I don't think we were ever related to) on his rocking love seat with his cat named Mr. Bubbles sitting under his swing all fat and gray. She never really seemed to like us. Instead I saw the porch with nobody there except a cat. Not Mr. Bubbles just some cat that ran off as we approached. My mom opened the door and smiled. I smiled too. We hugged and she hugged dad and Kayla and we all went in. Then mom tried to give us a bunch of tings like her old clothes and some home videos of us as children and some pictures I hadn't seen before. I saw one of my parents a long tine ago. My dad was clean cut a very slim but I don't quite recall what my mother looked like. Anyways they were kissing in the picture and I wanted to keep it but I didn't because I didn't think my dad ever wanted to see it again. My mom had made some Kool-aid for us. Kool-aid was a big thing for my family when we were still together. It was tropical punch. My mom told us that she was being evicted. My Pappy John told her she had 30 days to get out because my Grandma Rose couldn't handle the stress she brought to her. This made me worry but since I didn't want to ruin our visit which was pleasant thus far, I didn't bother to ask her what she was going to do.

We then headed over to my Grandma Rose's house. I saw the steps that we used to eat Popsicles on as kids. My Grandma wouldn't allow us to eat Popsicles inside. I remember the front porch with a swing and fake grass looking carpet thingy. A bunch of matching chairs and couches with matching flowery plastic feeling cushions. My pappy playing his guitar. Instead it was bear. We Knocked on the door. My Grandma Rose answered. So looked so sickly and frail. It seemed as if you could almost see right through her skin. I wanted to run up to her and give her a big hug. But instead I gave her a small slow hug for fear of hurting her. We talked to her about my cousin, Justin, who is fighting in the war in Iraq. We talked about weather and she gave us some boiled peanuts and some drinks. She said she wished she would have had a cake or pie ready for us. My Grandma Rose made the most delicious food I'd ever tasted. I miss her cooking so much. My Pappy John wasn't there. I wish he was though. I miss him. After my visit with my Grandma, we said our last goodbyes to my mom and went on our way. I don't think any of what happened sunk in until the other night.

I had a dream that I was having a wonderful lunch with my mom. She made a cake and all was well until my Grandparents sent someone over to take her away. I woke up suddenly. The clock said it was two something. I went out on the balcony and cried my eyes out. I came in to get my purse so that I could look at the picture of my family that I keep in my wallet. I cried for about an hour and wondered if my mom could hear me. I prayed to God that my mom would be okay and that she would stay alive until I could take her in my own house and take care of her and help her. I've never been upset about my mom like this before I've never dreamed of her before. For me it was always a hard truth that I blocked out of my head. But that night I couldn't barricade it anymore. I miss being a child when everything was simple.