Note to self: You are handcrafted.

The night was just starting. There were people waiting all around. It was that stuffy feeling that makes you think, 'Wow, there are way too many people here than there should be'.

Shoulders back, head up... I would repeat it to myself over and over. You should be so proud to be a part of this.

Everyone looking at us in awe. And was I ever proud.

Later the lights started to come on as the night sky began to darken. Before I knew it I found myself anxious as ever to see our rivals. They were very mixed feelings of hope, respect, and competitiveness. I heard the taps of the snare drum and watched as the girls, resembling little dolls, went out and floated around with the music. I saw rhythmic colors of green and blue. Their eyes sparkled. But soon something went very wrong. I didn't know how to feel about it, but before I could think about it I was running out there myself. A quick glance at the press box made me feel a little uneasy. Thoughts of "What ifs" and disaster ran though my head. Then I remembered that air that she talked about. That air that is so hard to achieve but would polish everything beautifully. Chin up, Hannah, you do thins everyday, focus. Tap, Tap, Tap and I hear the voices approaching like an army, "...17, 18, 19, HASH... Band halt!"
Next came the announcement of the respected people and blah, blah, blah. When you tune everything out and all you can think of is "Oh my gosh, am I really doing this?"

"Mark time mark"... silence... I watched the shoulders of the person in front of me go out and back in and I knew that was the last moment I had to hide. "Take a breath!"

Yelling and gasping for breath we got to the end of the song. Perfect, I thought proudly. Before I knew it the show was over and we were marching off the field. I didn't really know what happened out there. I can't really remember. It went by so fast.

'GUARD!' it was how we were called and we all knew exactly in what tone it was. 'Mrs. Stout wants to see us after third quarter!' Whatever this was it was important.

It was 2 til and I was bracing myself. I wasn't sure what to expect.

'GUARD!' There it was again.

Crammed into a little area partially enclosed with cement blocks we all nervously awaited a response.

'Do you realize that each one of you is handpicked?'


'Think about that for a second. Each girl here is picked out of a whole group of people and pulled together because we thought we could make this work.'

'Well guess what, we did!'
The whole guard yelled in excitement.

We then received news that. People cried when we performed and people stood dumbfounded with their jaws dropped at us. We were also told we could very possibly come out at the top of our class at Seymour if we kept this up. The thought of that made me want to just die, it was so amazing. TOP OF OUR CLASS?! We thought we would never do it again. But there we were Bold, polished, and more proud than we've been yet this season. I felt like I could take on the world at that moment.

Friday night was amazing for the RCHS Color Guard. But when Mrs. Stout was talking about how we were all handpicked it got me thinking about God. I thought about how he made each one of us so detailed. He handcrafted each of us to to be unique and beautiful in our own ways. I thought about how crazy it is. God knows me better than anyone, he knew me even before I was born. He made my personality develop the way it did for a reason. God knows what he's doing and he knew what he was doing when he created me. He did this INTENTIONALLY. I wasn't just a person. I'm not just a meaningless form of life. I have a deep calling from God to fulfill my purpose. Who am I to misjudge God's own creation.

Now I should feel like I can take on the whole world.

Note to self: your obsessiveness scares people.

So anyone who's known me for at least a year knows that I start getting excited about Christmas WAY too early. And now is about that time :] It's that time of the year when things start to get a little cooler and everyone starts to take out their warmer jackets and are forced to be around each other. I love Christmas. It's my favorite part of the year. I love everything about Christmas. :] I love celebrating, decorating, and looking at decorations. I love Christmas foods especially candy canes. I love Christmas clothes. And I love how nearly everyone is with their family or the people they love on this day or want to be even if they can't. I love Christmas parties and I love how almost everything is closed and there are Christmas dinners and people share their love. I love it when you get a present that's so right for you from someone who knows you that well or when you find something perfect for someone and are so thrilled cause you know it will make them happy. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas. It's amazing. I honestly don't care what all the cynics say about Christmas. It's one of my favorite times of the year. :] Anyways I've broken out the old Sufjan Stevens Christmas albums and Relient K. I've also found a new holiday album that I love, Don Peris, Brighter Visions Beam Afar. Most of the Christmas music I listen to is Folk. :p I guess that's just cause I'm weird, but I love it. :D :D

Anyways I know it's not even October yet, but there's some Hannah Fischerness for ya! :]



So I have something a little deeper to talk about now. Tonight in youth group we talked about some stuff in second Peter regarding husbands and wives. Some of it also had to do with God turning away from evil and favoring righteousness. Anyways one of the verses was about how true beauty shouldn't come from outward adornment. I believe this as true, what bothers me is that a few eyes looked my way and a few people probably coughed my name a little in their own heads when they heard this verse. I know every body's not going to read my blog, but I'd like to say that I dress the way I do as a form of self-expression. It bothers me that people assume that if you wear make-up it's because you're insecure about the way you look and you think make-up will make you pretty. I know some people think I'm dumb for wearing make-up sometimes, but I do it to express myself outwardly. To me make-up, design, and style are all forms of art. Getting "dressed up" as people say, to me is like drawing something or painting a picture and I love doing it. So I'll continue to do it. Not to say that I can't go without dressing up or wearing make-up cause I do that all the time and it doesn't bother me. But I hate it when people assume that I wear make-up or dress differently because I'm insecure, and don't get me wrong, I'm very insecure, but not about that. I could care less. If I wanted people to think I was pretty or whatever I wouldn't do my make-up the way I do or dress the way I do at all. If people haven't noticed, I don't dress "pretty" I dress different. I do what I want concerning that and I'm not worried about my appearance, unless it's professional, like I'm applying for a job or something. Anyways I wanted to say that here cause I felt like I needed to defend myself a little. You don't know what you think you know until you really know it. So don't assume why I am the way I am or why I do the things I do if you don't really know.

On a lighter note. I came up with a new blog name that I love and redid my profile. I like it, but I'll probably be changing my layout shortly to go along with my Christmas spirit :] lol

Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood
-Come Thou Fount

(probably one of my favorite holiday hymns :D)

Note to Self: brethe in, breathe out.

Sometimes I have to remind myself to calm down and breathe.

This afternoon I was thinking about God and about how I know God and I want to know him better. It made me think about feeling God. I feel God sometimes, but I want to feel God all the time. I was thinking about how empty I felt today and I just started crying. I couldn't stop crying and had cried on and off since then for a few hours. I'm not sure what to do. I really am trying to feel God but I'm not sure exactly how... I guess it's one of those things you have to figure out yourself and it's not the same for everyone and stuff.

Note to self: Be dumb. Learn right.

There are many possible reasons why things are the way they are. However, there is only ever one correct reason or combination of reasons and truth holds, you never REALLY know the reason until you know the reason. For instance, in my picture, there is really only one right answer as to why those scissors are set the way they are and I could make some really good guesses as to why it might be like that. But truth is, I don't really know why until I know why, until I find who put them there and ask them why. Thus, I shouldn't pretend to know the answers, right. John Pryor has always taught me to take everything to the nth degree. So if I believed this to be completely true, I would apply it to every aspect of my life.

God made the earth. I don't really know this. I BELIEVE this with all my heart.

I think one reason people tend to get worked-up when Christians try to share the good news with them is because they try to tell people that what we believe is fact. In the spiritual world, this is fact. However, in this world, this is not fact. It's a theory. This is what people call forcing your religion on people.

One thing that was made apparent to me today is that you can't come from you're own perspective on everything, especially when you're trying to get other people to think the way you think. You've got to take on the perspective of a dumb person, otherwise you learn things are the way they are because they are, not because of why they really are.

I also realized that what I believed is a big jump. Think about it. If I came up to you and said, " I believe that an all-powerful being who has ALWAYS existed created everything and then had a son. His son was born of a virgin human girl and he was perfect. He never sinned and performed many miracles. He healed many people with a touch of his hands and fed thousands with little food. He walked on water, too. I also believe that He was crucified and after being put in a tomb for three days rose from the dead and ascended into the heavens, which is a place that Christians go when they die. So I'm going to spend my whole life worshiping and serving God, whom I cannot literally physically see, touch, hear, smell, or taste."

Does that seem a little ridiculous?

When someone believes this and then says that it's stupid to think that the earth came into existence from a ball of matter that exploded, I find it a little hard to take in. That is, coming from a dumb person's point of view. Anyways, just some thoughts.





Just recently I've started to realize how much the world affects me. It's sad and it makes everyday a battle to overcome what is constantly thrown in my face. I also think I'm lazy. I thought about the concept of laziness the other day and it made me a little sick. I feel like things would be a lot easier if I just stopped making excuses and did what needed to be done.

Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna, come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know...
Home, home, where I wanted to go

Coldplay - Clocks