you're locked up in a world thats been planned out for you

So basically I'm done trying to control my life.
I find that if I plan everything out I'm wasting my time because it will turn out how it will.
I will go where I will.
I've gotten to the point where I feel like never holding back anything.
I mean I'm about to put myself out there.
I am me.
So what's the use in me trying to do or be anything more or less.
hm.

So Frank Sinatra puts me in a good mood. :]
seriously.
it's like even without the music. Just some of the lyrics make me smile.

Anyways.
So I've been thinking lately about things and what they mean.
Does everything have a meaning?
Think about that.
EVERY LITTLE THING.
or do things just happen.

I am curious.
To know what everything means if it means anything at all.
I mean what if it means something that I have brown eyes?
I just want to know why some of the things happened that have happened, you know?
Like why things are the way they are.
I mean why am I in Kingston?
Why am I a girl?
Why do people not like certain foods?
I'm just curious.
But I guess I'll never know.
At least not in this lifetime.
hm.

I was thinking about a lot today and I thought about death.
Then I thought about me dying.
If I died, What had I left behind?
What did I do?
Did I change, influence, or make any difference at all?
I honestly don't know.
I want to make things better. Whatever they are, but I need freedom and responsibilities to do some of the things that I want to do.
So I guess I need to have a little patience.
I mean I want to go.
Somewhere.
Anywhere.
I want to do good things everywhere.
I want to paint this world bright colors and help people have better lives.
There is so much to our lives.
There is so much we don't know.
Things we a re missing the point about every time.
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know but whatever it is I want to do it so badly.
I want to know. I want to change things. Make a difference.
Otherwise I'd consider myself a waste of space, a waste of breath, and a waste of anything else I'm using.
Man I really want to experience life I want to hear everyone's life story.
I want to get out there and do something.
man.