Me being upset about some things. :\

So I hadn't talked to my dad all weekend. Which I enjoyed cause usually when we talk he makes me feel bad about one thing or another and we get into a fight, but anyways. He got mad at me cause my family wanted to have cake and ice cream on Sunday after church for my birthday. Well at first I was like sure, that would be cool, whatever. THEN I remembered I had plans and to meet with the schools for schools committee thing. So I called him back and asked if we could do it Monday or something. And my goodness. How inflexible can you be? Whatever though. I only have to take his crap for another 2 years. It's so discouraging to live with people who just have a completely different mindset than you. He gets mad cause I put church before family, but my church is my real family. They're just family cause they have to be. Or cause they think they're supposed to be.

Anyways. Here's what I really wanted to blog about.

I read about someone who was really motivated about something that had to do with saving energy. That seems like something I would have gotten so fired up about like 6 months ago. Now I think, what's the point. I mean honestly, saving energy is good, yeah. But when it comes down to it, what's the point? things are going to happen and nature will run it's course. Everything that is supposed to happen will eventually happen. So why waste all your efforts on preserving nature. I guess that sounds kind of pessimistic. And don't get me wrong, preserving nature is def. a good thing, but I guess what I'm saying is, how good of a thing is it really?

I went to the church tonight to help finish the floors. We watched the invisible children video. For the past couple of months I've been really inspired to do something about kids who have a really hard time surviving in third word countries.

And I don't know I just guess it seems so unimportant comparatively.

But I guess people have their own causes that they're passionate and I just don't understand.

So the last night in youth group I got really worked up about something that has to do with this. JP said something about how if murder is wrong then how can God order entire populations to be killed? So I was saying something about how, for example, someone like Joseph Kony would be better for the world if he was dead. And someone started saying something like so what if I wanted to kill someone in the youth group and if I would think killing them was okay. And it made me pretty mad cause I mean the man is ruining tons of lives every day. How can you even compare the two situations?! Whatever though. I realized later that that person probably didn't disagree with me too much they just wanted to argue or get attention or pretend like they were making a really good point or something.

anyways I think I get upset too much over people. Because they don't know what they're doing. I don't a lot either. But yeah. :]

So there's my blog since it's been a little while.

I hope everyone has a good week!

Bussss.

There's this girl who rides my bus.
Her lips are always stained with red Kool-aid.
If you risk looking at her, she talks to you.
A lot.

There's this boy on my bus.
He thinks turtles can't live out of water.
I told him he was wrong.
He told me I was wrong.

There's this guy on my bus.
He hardly ever talks.
He sits in my seat when I'm not there.

There's this girl on my bus.
She wears jeans with big holes in the knees.
She's so skinny it looks like her clothes are about to fall off of her.
I think it's the look that she's going for.


We got a new bus today.
I like it because it's clean.

I hope everyone has a good spring break.

Beginning to loosen up.

Okay so this weekend was the 30 hour famine. It was really good for me.
I really changed my perspective on a lot of things that you would think it wouldn't.
For instance, there was a sheet that John gave us with a bunch of stuff on it.
One of the statistics says that basic education for the WHOLE WORLD would cost about 6 billion dollars a year, while 8 BILLION dollars is spent on cosmetics in the UNITED STATES ALONE!

That is absolute madness.

People in America are so absorbed by their physical appearance that they will go to great lengths to cover their faces in powder and spend hours every day concerning themselves with whether it's still there or not. Now I've worn make-up and changed clothes seven times in the morning and looked in the mirror several times hoping that the net time I looked I would be as pretty as someone else. And I realize now how dumb that is. I mean why does it matter? Who am I kidding? Who am I trying to impress? No matter how many times I look into the mirror and no matter how much make-up I put on my face, it's who I am that really matters. All this suction of appearance is so worldly. I really think thats one way I can try to be in this world, but not of it. Now I'm not saying it's wrong to want to look nice, I'm not saying it's wrong to wear make-up, but to be consumed or concerned with it is so twisted. I'm learning to be more loose with this. I should definitely be more grateful that I have clothes on my back rather than what they look like, or how much they cost, or how many of them I have.

So I went to a Greg Adkins concert tonight and to tell you the truth, I didn't think I would like it. But I really enjoyed it and am very glad that I did go. So I'm going to quote some lyrics of his cause I think it really goes along with what I'm talking about.

"I’m not going to see your romantic comedy
I can never compete with that movie screen
Every time that we kiss there won’t be a symphony"

It's true.
JP was talking about how romance movies and novels are really bad for girls cause they higher their expectations and it makes them think that if things don't happen like they have been brainwashed into thinking it should, then it must not be anything special. Which is completely wrong.

But anyways, I've changed my perspective a lot because of this weekend.
Things last week weren't so great at all, but this weekend has slapped me in the face with reality. Which, as bad as it sounds, is actually good. :D :D

Things are looking up for me. Some lyrics that Cody posted on his latest blog were really uplifting and comforting for me. It makes me think that things are going to be alright as long as God is here for me. :]



So I hope everyone has a fabulous week!

Anger.

I had the worst fit of anger I think I have ever had last night.
I honestly had no one good reason to be that angry.
It was a bunch of things, mostly my fault.
Which is even more frustrating.
I really am trying.
It's hard to just suddenly stop doing something and start doing something completely different.

But yeah, this rage inside of me was crazy.
It made me want to throw up.
So I did...
And honestly it was kind of relieving.

I really felt like there was some monster inside my stomach.
It felt like it was breathing fire and it made me feel like I was going to breathe fire too.
It made me want to break my own fingers.

This is the worst my anger has ever been.
I've actually never felt like this before.

I scared myself.
But on the way home I wanted to jump out of the car while we were on the interstate.
I just felt like if I did everything would go away.

I knew better though.



Anyways
Now everyone probably thinks I'm a freak.
I honestly don't care.
If you think I'm a freak, don't read my blog.
It's not that hard.




So this weekend was pretty busy.
I still had a lot of time to think though.
When I start back at school tomorrow, it will be March.
I only have to go to school 11 days in march because of the band trip, spring break, good Friday, and some other random things. But yeah.

Kara's 16th birthday is in 8 days.
:D :D

AND the 30 hour famine is this weekend.
:D :D

This week is going to require a lot of prayer.
I hope everyone's week is great.