My autobiography. I'm not whining, however I am being dramatic. That's what I do when I write.

Well Michelle and Billy aren't coming back Sunday, they're coming back Friday! In two days! With Kai! I'm so excited.
This is such a blessing.
Just goes to show how great God really is.

total change of subject here.

I remember I was in second grade. My teacher had short curly blond hair. My best friends' name was Mariah Martin. She was a small girl with light brown hair. She lived in a big house in the middle of a corn field. She lived with a little brother named Caleb, and her mother and father. We lived in a small trailer with 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. We lived in Dogwood Circle. My dad planted five trees in our front yard in a straight line. We were "the Fischer girls" everyone in the neighborhood knew us. We lived right next to Bill. Bill was kind of a big kid and he liked wrestling. You can Imagine he was a big WWF fan. He had all the action figures and everyone knew it cause they were all out in his front yard. He had a little sister, who ate so much candy, all of her teeth were rotten. She was three years old. Then there were the Bartons, Erin and Chelsea. Nobody really liked them.
They weren't the best smelling kids of the bunch and everyone knew to hide your candy when they came around. Then there was Rainey. She was a good friend of mine and she was pretty shy and quiet, though. Then there was the creepy kid. His name was Derrick Wensel. He always won at truth or dare simply because he would eat ANYTHING. He didn't have a very good vocabulary, either. Every time you asked him what his little sisters name was, he would reply, "Me not know." Nobody knew his little sister's name or even how old she was, but she was old enough to talk and walk. She always sang that Shania Twain song "Man, I feel like a Woman." Kenny was the little boy's name. He moved to Dogwood Circle from Georgia, and everyone knew that because it's all he would ever talk about. "Hi, I'm Kenny and I'm from Georgia!" I remember one time he tried to kiss my sister behind the shed. We always had this little space beside our shed where we grew tomatoes. Well needless to say; He tried to make his move on Hailey, and went home kissless and covered in tomatoes. Of course, there's always a cute boy that every little girl liked. His name was Kyle Bowes. He lived up on the hill and dated every girl in the neighborhood. He dated my sister, Kayla, for a really long time. Later, she broke up with him because she said if they got married her name would be Kayla Rose Bowes. Todd Caris, the neighborhood bully. He was older than all of us and he picked on all of us, too. Although, that's just how life went in Dogwood Circle. Everyone knew everyone. I specifically remember our tradition of playing kick ball behind the trailers everyday after school. Everyone came whether we were good friends with everyone else or not.

My mother was 35 when we moved.
She had dirty blond curly hair. Her skin was dark and she had many freckles all over her. She was upset that we were leaving, yes, but nobody knew what she would do about it. The poor woman knew nobody. She had no friends. What could you expect? She did live 3 or 4 states away all 35 years of her life. She had no way to contact her mother, brother, father, or any of her friends besides mail. She worked in the campground office on occasion. Knowing no one, she was desperate for someone to talk to.

His name was Charlie. He was an older man, who drank and smoked far too much for being in his position. He lived in a small trailer on the hill. My mom went up there frequently. He would play his guitar and she would sing. My mom loved to sing. She played the piano. She played like a dream. She hadn't ever had any lessons either. I remembered sitting and watching her play as a little girl. She would sing her heart out. I envied her.

My dad had two jobs. He's had two jobs since we moved down here. Slowly mom grew apart from him. Further and further they drifted from one another. She began drinking far too much. She started smoking again. She started to leave at night after she thought we were all asleep. She never came back until the early afternoon. I remember her telling me that she left because she couldn't sleep with dad snoring so loudly, so she would go out and sleep in the car. I told her she should sleep in my bed but she said she was too big for my bed. She continued to leave night after night. Every time she came back more and more drunk. I remember my sisters crying and Kayla yanking at dad's sleeve asking if mommy and daddy were going to get divorced. He said he didn't know and me, being the hopeful child I've always been, tried everything. I tried making dinners for the two of them, asking them to do things together, and anything else I could do to get them back to who they were.

But then one night my mom went out with my dad's credit card and didn't come back for a few days. When she got back the credit card was maxed. $20,000 in debt. Yeah, we were in for the experience of our lives. We left a few days later without my mom we went up to Pennsylvania and stayed in my Pappy's cabin. When we came back she was'nt there. She and all of her stuff was gone.

My dad had filed for divorce without letting my mother know. He had called the police and had them come to the house. They told her she had 30 minutes to get all of her things and leave. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know where to take the animals. She didn't know what to grab. She didn't know if she would ever see me, Hailey, Kayla, Ginger, Julie, Tabby, dad, or the house ever again.

But she left and got worse and worse after that. She began sleeping with other men to get her by and have a place to stay. At one point she lived in someone's closet and when we would come to visit her she would be sewing or making a scrapbook in the closet. She began doing more and more drugs and drinking excessively. When she came to visit, she was always drunk. My sisters and I learned to be afraid of her, our own mother. We always kept our door locked and if mom came and knocked on the door, we would call my dad. As a motherless child, I learned a lot about being independent. My dad was never home and my sisters hated me. My mother was the only one who loved me. However, she was dead. Not in body, but in mind and spirit.

She finally got so bad she called her dad. Pappy John came here all the way from Pennsylvania to get my mom and bring her home. She went through a lot of rehab and therapy. She had taken many trips to the doctor's. We wouldn't talk to her for weeks and months on end. We basically got used to the idea of not having a mother. She got better, just not all the way. I see it like this; my mother used so many drug and alcoholic beverages that it killed most of her brain, therefore she was never conscience enough to be herself. She always slurred her words and talked for a long time and wasn't even aware of what she was saying to me. I remember being 12 and she called and told me to have safe sex. Totally random. I was scared because she was no longer my mom and I realized then that my real mother was dead and she wasn't coming back.

Yesterday my mother called me. I was informed about 2 weeks ago that she had Hepatitis. Well, when she called me yesterday, she told me she got a huge settlement. She was going to get a lot of money and send us a bunch of it. I asked her how she was doing and if she had been to the doctors or not. She said the doctors kept rescheduling her appointments and that she was just going to give up. I started getting very upset because I knew if she did that she would die, soon. I told her to keep the money she was going to send us because she needed it more than we did. I told her to go to the doctors and get better. After I got off the phone I was crying because I couldn't seem to convince her of anything. My dad asked me what was wrong. I got all hysterical and told him about it. He said, "Hannah, your mother is just trying to get attention." I then screamed, "How can you say that! She's dying, not trying to get attention!" He simply told me I was wrong because he once tried to change her. He has no faith, no hope, and no love. If her loved or ever loved mom he would do something to help her. All I can do now is call he and talk to her often. If I had a car and some money I'd go up there and visit her and temporarily take care of her until she got better. She's as naive as a child, and dad is willing to sit and let her die.

I need prayers guys. I need help. I don't know what to do.