Mom

So I'm going to talk about something I haven't talked about in a while. My mom. I think maybe that's why I've been so angry lately. I try to pretend like nothing ever happened and I'm just fine, but something did happen and I'm not fine.

My mom is getting better. It makes me so happy, but it makes me want to see her even more than I already did. My mother is alive again. That's how this feels to me. For a while there it felt like she died. She wasn't herself. She was this overemotional wreck because of freaking alcohol and drugs. She turned into someone that I never knew, someone that I never wanted to know. She's coming back now though. I don't know why or how. Maybe it took her hitting rock bottom to change her. I didn't think she was ever going to come back, but she is! It's a lot to feel. It's kind of overwhelming. I've been crying a lot because of it. It's kind of weird too, cause I don't think I really know why I'm crying besides that I miss her. It reminds me of the boy on the invisible children video that cries because he misses his brother who was kidnapped. He didn't know if his brother was dead or alive at that point.


I talked to my Grandma Rose the other day. I really want to see her. She really is an amazing woman. She sits in front of the television and watches the world go to waste. But she has hope. She has faith and she prays. She prays everyday. And she still values little things. I feel like my mom and my grandma are the only two people in my family that I can relate to on a spiritual scale. And my spirituality is who I am, so they're really the only people I can relate to at all.

Anyways. My mom is taking classes. I think they're some type of alcohol anonymous classes or something of the sort. But she's getting better. I can tell just by talking to her.

Yup she's turning into my mom again. She says she worries about me a lot. She says she watches the news a lot. It reminds me of my grandma. Mom says she sees all of these awful things about girls my age getting kidnapped, raped, beaten, and killed. She says it reminds her of what happened to Tracy. Tracy was my mom's cousin and as a kid, one of my mom's best friends. She was taken as a girl and raped and killed. I think she was 16, but I'm not sure. But yeah my mom's been worrying.


So hopefully I can get my license in mid-August and get a car soon afterward. I'm basically hired as a lifeguard this summer, I just have to pass a class in May and I've got it. My mom is going to be my inspiration. But yeah After I get a car and my license, my first trip will be to Pennsylvania. Hopefully I can go up there Labor Day weekend. I hope Kara or someone will come with me. Maybe I'll be on my own for once. That might be nice too. So yeah I'm ready for next year to start.

Anyways. Things are looking up.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. :]