Shine, shine, shine on.

I went to two churches this morning. It was... interesting. It's weird to step out side your comfort zone for a while and experience what other people's lives are like sometimes.

Anyway today was Mother's Day.
I almost hate holidays cause they're usually stressful to me.
I don't have a normal family, if you could call it that at all.
Every holiday is celebrated differently for me.
There is people who have close families and their traditional ways of celebrating things. On holidays like this I almost feel more alone than ever.
I don't like to celebrate holidays with my family, cause they just do it because that's just what you do. That's just how things work here. It seems like they don't really think about why they do anything they do. When they pray before meals they have to clear their throats and put on their fake faces and say God, bless this food. But they don't even think about what they're saying.

I didn't really grow up in a good, strong, Christian environment.
Nothing seemed real and I was always really annoyed by it.
So like I said these holiday's mean more to me than any of my family so it's weird.

Today when we went to Victory Baptist. The preacher asked for everyone who had a good Christian mother growing up to raise their had. Nearly everyone in the room raised their hands. I didn't. But all around me there were hands.

I had to keep myself from bursting into tears and running out of the building crying. I didn't want that kind of attention from people who I didn't even know. And I had already cried during Dennis' sermon, which isn't normal cause Dennis' sermons aren't usually tear jerkers. :p

but yeah. I don't really have an actual mom around.

This is the part where I can relate to adopted kids who want to meet their real parents. lol
Michelle has been more of a mother to me than I have ever known, and the Gunter's have been an amazing family for me. I guess I just feel weird, I feel guilty for having them take care of me sometimes. I guess I've always been subconsciously searching for a home. :\

I'm pretty sure that the Gunter's and my church family is that home.

Anyways. I think that there's definitely been a lot of good to come out of this situation though. God can do amazing things like that.

For instance, I've gained the ability to recognize a good Christian family and that will make it easier for me to have my own family when I do.

It's brought me closer to God all in all and has made me who I am.

Anyways.
I hope everyone has a good week. :]